So my 9 y/o has taken up Minecraft.  Apparently cake is a THING in Minecraft.  Enough of a thing to have its own song.  (<—-  Link to the ten-hour loop, so you can experience what it’s like to live with a 9 y/o who never stops singing it. )   Boi has decided he’s interested enough in cake to actually want to make a real one.   In spite of the mess, whenever Boi shows interest in learning something useful, I try to accommodate it.  I enjoy the time with him, and as a mother, I generally consider my job to be, ultimately, to parent myself out of a job.  Cooking is a fundamental life skill.  It will save him a ton of money as an adult, give him a lot more control over what he and his family consume than he would have were he depending on prepared or processed foods, and hopefully someday serve as the same social anchor for his home one day that my kitchen is in mine.

We’re sort of big on from scratch cooking in our house, owing to hereditary chemical sensitivities, and general squeamishness with regards to preservatives and unlisted food additives, so when we bake a cake, with few exceptions, we do it from scratch.  This is a simple white cake recipe that goes with everything, can be frosted whatever way you like and easily converts to other flavours, just by exchanging the vanilla extract for say, lemon.  Or maple.  Or rum.  If you like spices, add 2 tsp of pumpkin pie spice and make spice cake.  It’s that simple.  

As I’ve begun to lose some of the use of my hands owing to an autoimmune condition that includes rheumatoid arthritis, my in-laws bought me a Kitchenaid stand mixer for Christmas, since I can no longer mix by hand.  If you don’t have the same issues, your hand mixer, or even a whisk and some enthusiasm will serve you just as well.

WHAT

2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/8 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup shortening (or butter, or margarine, you can substitute whatever you have)

1 3/4 cups sugar

4 egg whites

1 1/3 cups buttermilk  (Note: normal people don’t keep buttermilk in the house.  Take a tablespoon of lemon juice and put it in a bowl.  Then pour 1 1/3 cups milk over it, stir, and let it stand for about a minute.  Voila.  Buttermilk.)

HOW

Oven 350 degrees

Grease and flour your cake pan (s) Pick 2 8″ or 9″ rounds, or an 8″ or 9″ square.  If you really want easy removal, line the bottom with parchment.  The easiest way to do this is to use the bottom of your cake pan to trace the shape onto the parchment, then cut it out and put in the bottom of your pan.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt, then set aside.

In the bowl of your stand mixer, or just a large mixing bowl if your in-laws don’t love you as much as mine love me, cream the 1/2 cup of butter, margarine or shortening.  Add the sugar and vanilla, and beat until well combined.  Add the egg whites one at a time, beating well after each one.  Add the dry ingredients in two steps, alternating with two additions of the buttermilk.  (so half the dry, half the buttermilk, repeat) Beat on low speed until just combined.  Pour into prepared pan (s)  If you want to make coconut cake, this is a good time to add 1/4 cup of unsweetened flaked coconut.

Bake on center rack at 350 degrees 30-35 minutes.  45-50 if using a single pan.

While it’s baking is a good time to teach your kid about cleaning as he goes.  Yes.  I made him help with the dishes.

Cook times and oven temperatures vary, so pay attention and check on it when it starts to smell good.  It’s done when a wooden toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.  If you don’t have wooden toothpicks, use your asbestos mom fingers and give it a gentle poke.  If it springs back, it’s a good indicator that it’s done.  Cool cakes IN PANS on wire racks for 10 min.  Remove from pans, and cool completely on racks.

Basic White Frosting

WHAT

1 cup shortening

1 1/2 teaspoons vamilla

1/2 teaspoon lemon, orange, or almond extract (whatever blows up your particular kilt)

4 1/2 cups sifted powdered sugar

3-4 tablespoons of milk

Paste icing colours to satisfy a 9 y/o who wants his cake to look like a minecraft ‘creeper’.

HOW

Beat shortening, vanilla and extract on setting 3 of stand mixer or with electric mixer on medium for about 30 seconds.  Add HALF of the powdered sugar and mix well.  Add 2 tbsp of milk, gradually beating in enough of the powdered sugar and milk to reach spreading consistency.

Baked Coconut-Lime Doughnuts with Tart Lime Glaze (adapted from flavorthemoments.com)

So, now that I’m a grown up, it turns out that neither margaritas nor Pina Coladas are considered responsible breakfast options. At least, not on weekdays.  Since you’ve read my previous posts, you’ve already taken my excellent advice, (unless you’re the one person on the planet who ignores all of my pithy wisdom) and invested in a doughnut pan or two. Yes, you can make all of my doughnut recipes in a muffin pan, but the doughnut pan produces a much nicer result. They’re also smaller than muffins, which, for those of us who have trouble facing food first thing in the morning, is a good thing.  This recipe is the most respectable way I could think of to combine a margarita and a pina colada for breakfast, and still be able to drive the kids to school, and meet the teacher without anyone calling social services because you’re drunk at 8:30 in the morning. The original recipe called for coconut milk, which I find repulsive, and which is VERY high in saturated fat, so I substitute coconut water, which produces a lighter result, and doesn’t have as heavy a flavour. These have a muffin like texture, and the tart, lime glaze is very refreshing. This is easy to double or triple when cooking for a crowd, and pairs well with tequila if you’re one of the ‘breakfast of champions’ crowd.

WHAT

1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (really, use what you have)

3/4 cup granulated sugar

1 tablespoon fresh lime zest

1 egg

1/3 cup unsweetened finely shredded coconut

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour  (use dipping method to measure or you’ll have coconut-lime flavoured bricks)

2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder (If you don’t bake regularly, check to make sure it’s younger than you are)

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup coconut water

1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Glaze:
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice (Concentrate works just as well, but what else are you going to do with the lime you just zested?)

2 tablespoons of coconut water

zest of 1 lime, divided

3/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut

HOW

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spray the cavities of (2) 6-cavity doughnut pans.

Cream the butter, sugar, and lime zest in a large bowl until light and fluffy. Add the egg and beat just until blended. Stir in the coconut. Or if you’re me, dump it all into the bowl of your stand mixer with the paddle attachment, set it to 3, and go WWILF (What Was I Looking For?) around on the Internets for a few minutes.

Stir the vanilla into the 1/2 cup of coconut water and set that aside. combine the remaining dry ingredients in a medium bowl. Add the flour mixture in 3 stages, alternating with the coconut water, beating after each addition until blended. Fill the doughnut cavities 2/3 full of batter and bake for 18-20 minutes. Really, DON’T OVERFILL THEM! You’ll end up with giant, delicious, lime coconut flavoured, hideous mushroom shaped thingies! Oven temperatures vary, and so do cooking times, depending on a lot of things.  My rule is ‘when it starts to smell good, go check on it’.  If it starts to smell bad deny everything and destroy the evidence.  Cool in the pan for 2-3 minutes, then remove and cool completely.

Prepare the Glaze:
In a small bowl, combine the powdered sugar, lime juice, half of the reserved lime zest, and coconut water until smooth. Place the sweetened shredded coconut and remaining lime zest on a plate and toss to combine. Dip the cooled doughnuts in the glaze, then immediately into the shredded coconut. Stop licking your fingers! Other people have to eat those! Place on a cooling rack over parchment or paper towels at room temperature until set, unless you LIKE cleaning your countertops with a putty knife. Lick the bowl before anyone else comes home to see you. Double check to make sure you don’t still have icing in your eyebrows before the kids get home.

Store doughnuts in a cake dome at room temperature for 2-3 days. Or just eat them all before you end up having to share. Avoid air tight containers, they will make baked goods soggy.